I know a woman who calls somebody up every afternoon and says, “I’ll pay you a hundred dollars to fuck me.” Fabulous.

LYING IN THE BATHTUB WITH A PILLOW BEHIND MY HEAD MAKES ME FEEL VERY RICH– Maybe it’s an illusion. Of grandeur.

I only know one language, and sometimes in the middle of a sentence I feel like a foreigner trying to talk it because I have word spasms where the parts of some words begin to sound peculiar to me and in the middle of saying the word I’ll think, “Oh, this can’t be right– this sounds very peculiar, I don’t know if I should try to finish up this word or try to make it into something else, because if it comes out good it’ll be right, but if it comes out bad it’ll sound retarded,” and so in the middle of words that are over one syllable, I sometimes get confused and try to graft other word on top of them. Sometimes this makes good journalism and when they quote me it looks good in print, and other times it’s very embarrassing.

I’m a city boy. In the big cities they’ve set it up so you can go to a park and be in a miniature countryside, but in the countryside they don’t have any patches of big city, so I get very homesick.

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